The re-evaluation starts here…
Episode One
Sue: A Time Monster, eh? I bet the Master is in this story. He’s a monster and he knows about time.
As luck would have it, the Doctor is having a vivid nightmare about his arch-nemesis.
Sue: She shoots, she scores!
The Doctor is woken by Jo, but the dream continues to disturb him.
Sue: Did Jo drop some acid in the Doctor’s tea? There’s a lot of that going around lately.
Meanwhile, the Master is posing as a Greek scientist at a research institute at Cambridge University.
Sue: Is the Master working at a university, now? God help them. And him.
Two research scientists, Ruth and Stuart, are bickering. It is made abundantly clear that Ruth is the proud owner of a fire-damaged bra.
Sue: Is this the first feminist episode of Doctor Who?
Me: I wouldn’t get your hopes up, love.
The Master is tinkering with time, and he is using a crystal from Atlantis as his power source.
Sue: Haven’t we been to Atlantis before? Isn’t that where the Fish People live?
Me: Oh, don’t start.
The Doctor is worried about the Master and he instructs the Brigadier to issue a World Wide Warning.
Sue: The Doctor is still waiting for the World Wide Web to be invented, bless him.
When the Master arrives at the research institute, Sue notices the time on the building’s clock tower.
Sue: Why was the Doctor having a kip at 9:40 in the morning? The slacker. And why is Jo posing for the cover of Vogue? I love Jo’s boots, by the way. But TOMTIT is such a stupid name. Which idiot came up with that?
Why, the Master, of course. He is currently being grilled by the institute’s director, Dr. Percival, a man who also believes that the Master was taking the piss when he came up with the name for his experiment.
Sue: If the Master is the most wanted man on the planet, how did he stroll into a university post with military connections? He didn’t even bother to shave his beard off, and that’s his most distinguishing feature!
Me: He is putting on a Greek accent.
Sue: Is he? I thought he had a cold.
Me: Maybe the research institute wanted to bolster its RAE score, and they recruited the Master in a hurry. You know what HR are like.
Sue: You will obey me. You will give me that sabbatical. You will give me unlimited access to your research beacon funding stream.
Ruth launches into another feminist rant about how shit men are. Stuart protests, but Ruth reassures him that he needn’t worry, as he doesn’t count.
Sue: Stuart doesn’t count because Stuart is clearly gay.
Meanwhile, a window cleaner is preparing to give the institute’s windows a nice polish.
Sue: The angle on that ladder is far too shallow. He’ll definitely fall with an angle like that. Are you sure that he’s a real window cleaner? A real window cleaner wouldn’t use an angle as shallow as that. Maybe he’s a spy? Or an undercover inspector from HEFCE?
Inside the lab, Stuart and Ruth are conducting a TOMTIT trial.
Sue: The door that is supposed to protect everyone from radiation is just an ordinary door, with a keyhole and shuttered windows – which might even be open! How is that going to stop any radiation from leaking out? This episode is a health and safety nightmare.
The Brigadier arrives at the institute. He is greeted by an unconscious window cleaner sprawled out on the tarmac.
Sue: Told you. That fall had nothing to do with the time experiment. Bad ladder angle – that’s what did him in.
The Doctor and Jo take Bessie out for a spin, and when the Doctor engages the car’s Super Drive, it races off at incredible speed.
Sue: This is what I remember about Doctor Who when I was little. This stupid yellow car. Actually, I think I may have seen this episode when it originally went out. The silly Benny Hill Show driving feels very familiar.
The Doctor tracks down the Master’s time meddling with the help of a portable time sensor.
Sue: Couldn’t the Doctor have designed a device that was a little less phallic? It looks as if Jo is reading the numbers off a left testicle. Ruth is going to love that.
The Brigadier and Benton arrive for a TOMTIT demonstration, and the Master conceals his identity under a bulky radiation suit.
Sue: Stuart’s thinking, “Why haven’t I got a suit as good as that? My radiation suit is shit compared to his!”
The Master uses a cup of tea as a prop in his experiment.
Me: We used to have a tea set like that. Oh God. I’m starting to sound just like you.
As the power rises, the Master beckons for Kronos to come.
Sue: What the **** is a Kronos?
And then the credits come crashing in.
Sue: That was pretty good. We’re definitely on a roll at the moment.
Episode Two
Sue: What did the Master just say?
Me: He said, “Muwhahaha mawawawwa muahahw”.
Sue: That’s what I thought he said. He should probably take that suit off before he opens his mouth again.
The Doctor races in and he orders someone – anyone! – to reverse the polarity immediately.
Sue: That’s his answer to everything, isn’t it? I can just imagine the Doctor running an IT helpline: “Have you tried reversing the polarity, sir?”
Jo panics, but the Doctor assures her that they haven’t arrived too late.
Sue: You are about 80 years too late as far as Stuart is concerned!
Benton is ordered to guard the lab, just in case the Master comes back, but he’s not very happy about it.
Sue: Awww, poor Benton. I bet he had a hot date lined up before the Brigadier dragged his sorry arse over there. No wonder he feels lonely. Somebody leave him a magazine or something.
Meanwhile, the Doctor is talking to Jo about Chronovores.
Sue: These Chronovores sound really impressive. Powerful beings that can eat time itself? I have to admit, that’s pretty scary.
And then the Doctor locates the Master’s disguised TARDIS.
Sue: So the Master’s TARDIS looks like a computer bank? That’s nice.
Me: You can buy a toy version of the Master’s computer bank TARDIS, you know.
Sue: Not while you’re married to me, you can’t.
Me: You’re probably right. The cats would only eat the Kronos crystal.
Sue: You didn’t tell me that it came with its own Kronos crystal.
The rapidly aged Stuart looks into a mirror and he howls with anguish.
Sue: That’s me every single morning. I know just how he feels.
The Doctor persuades Stuart to tell him about his nightmare. “Come on, old chap,” he says.
Sue: Old chap? Old chap? Is he taking the piss? How insensitive was that?
Meanwhile, back at the institute, Benton is suspicious when he is told to leave the premises by Dr. Percival, who is under the thrall of the Master.
Sue: Just you stay there, Benton. Don’t you ****ing move, son!
Benton decides to telephone the Brigadier on an internal line.
Sue: Don’t UNIT have ****ing radios?
The Master answers Benton’s call and he impersonates the Brigadier’s voice perfectly.
Sue: So the Master is Derren Brown and Jon Culshaw? He could have his own show on BBC1, if only he’d give up all this ‘taking over the universe’ nonsense.
As Benton walks away from his duties, Sue calls after him.
Sue: Benton! Benton! Jesus Christ, Benton!
Me: The dog’s name was Fenton.
Sue: I don’t care.
But Benton is still suspicious, and he decides to stake out the lab. Just in case.
Sue: Benton isn’t just a pretty face.
Sadly, just when it seems that Benton may have the upper hand, the Master makes him fall for the oldest trick in the book.
Sue: Oh, Benton! And you were doing so well!
The Master explains that he will join forces with Kronos, and together they will rule the universe.
Sue: Yeah, there’s no way in hell that Kronos will turn on you at the end. Not a chance. You go ahead and team-up with another alien superpower. It’ll be perfectly fine. Knock yourself out.
The episode concludes with Krasis, an Atlantean priest, materialising in the lab.
Sue: OK, who ordered the palm reader? Actually, that was another good episode. I’m really enjoying this one.
Episode Three
Sue: Poor Stuart. But I still have every faith that the Doctor will fix him in the end. Does Stuart become a companion? He’d be very good.
And then the Master summons Kronos.
Sue: Hmmm. That’s different.
And then Sue’s mouth begins to slacken in disbelief.
Sue: It’s a giant cockerel. It’s a giant cockerel that can eat time. Well, it’s unique, I’ll give ‘em that.
Me: It’s terrible! Kronos makes the Fish People look like the ****ing xenomorph from Alien!
And then Sue drops a bombshell.
Sue: One of my first CB handles was Atomic Rooster.
Pause DVD.
Me: What? You never told me you had a CB radio.
Sue: Yeah, CB radio was all the rage before the internet was invented.
Me: How did you come up with a handle like Atomic Rooster? Are you sure you weren’t a fan of early 1970s Doctor Who? Is there something you’re not telling me?
Sue: Actually, we used to call our cousin Tommy, ‘Tom Tit’, when we were young. Maybe I was influenced by this story after all.
Play DVD.
The Master uses the power of Kronos to slow down time.
Sue: I’m used to that. Especially with the six-parters.
When the Doctor tries to explain what’s going on, the Brigadier isn’t having any of it.
Sue: Why doesn’t the Brigadier believe in the Doctor, after everything they’ve been through together? It’s absurd. I don’t like it when they write the Brigadier as an ignorant buffoon. It doesn’t suit him.
The Doctor cobbles together a machine that can disrupt the Master’s time experiments. He assembles it from an empty wine bottle, some cutlery and a dirty mug.
Sue: That’s a bit daft.
A UNIT convoy has been tasked with transporting the Doctor’s TARDIS to the institute. The Master monitors its progress on his futuristic wrist watch.
Sue: That’s way ahead of its time. You know, the Master could make a killing if he just invested his time and energy into personal computers. He’d be better off working with Steve Jobs than a giant chicken that can eat time. It’s just a thought.
Yates’ convoy is suddenly attacked by a knight on horseback.
Sue: This is just the sort of stupid thing the Mad Monk would do. Excellent stunt horse, though. Is the horse a full-time member of HAVOC?
Yates has some terrible news for the Brigadier: Their convoy is stuck in the mud.
Sue: It’s a Land Rover Defender! You can’t get a Defender stuck in the ****ing mud! It’s a Land Rover Defender! Do me a favour!
When Yates evacuates the vehicle, which is resting on a gentle slope, Sue is apoplectic with rage.
Sue: I turned my Freelander on its side in a ditch in Kielder, and I still managed to get it out in less than 10 minutes. That is ridiculous. Yates can not be stuck in the mud! Court martial the ****ing idiot!
Me: Simmer down, Sue.
When the Doctor, Jo and the Brigadier set out for stricken convoy, the Brig suggests that they have a quick race.
Sue: That’s a red rag to a bull, you nit. Geddit? U-NIT? Oh, please yourself.
As the Doctor races away in Bessie, Sue sings the theme tune to The Benny Hill Show under her breath.
The Master timescoops some Roundheads which he then uses to stall UNIT. His line about 17th century poltroons gets an enormous laugh.
Sue: The Master gets all the best lines. He looks like he’s really enjoying himself.
The Master snatches a Doodlebug from WWII and it impacts on the UNIT convoy.
Sue: Nice explosion. Was that Yates I saw flying though the air? I’m sure he’ll be fine. The Master isn’t that good.
Episode Four
Sue: When they spray-painted the Doctor’s car, Jo must have sat in it at the same time, because they’ve painted her legs the same colour.
When Ruth and Jo suggest that they head back to the lab to nobble the Master, Stuart isn’t best pleased.
Sue: He was 88-years old not that long ago, you can’t blame him for not wanting to get involved. I bet he just wants to chill out with some Pink Floyd and a spliff. I like Stuart.
Meanwhile, the Master has taken Krasis into his TARDIS.
Sue: Ooh, the Master’s TARDIS is nice and clean. It’s almost sparkling. It’s a lot neater than the Doctor’s. But why does he have half a washing-up bowl missing from the bottom left-hand corner of his wall? That’s odd.
The Doctor and Jo reach their TARDIS and they race inside.
Sue: What? So the Doctor and the Master both redecorated their TARDISes at exactly the same time and exactly the same way – what are the chances of that? And why have they both got half a washing-up bowl missing from the bottom left-hand corner of their walls? That’s a bit of a coincidence, too.
Me: Perhaps they filmed both TARDIS scenes on the same set?
Sue: Do you reckon?
A cushion is thrown.
The Doctor materialises his TARDIS around the Master’s TARDIS. But when he walks into the Master’s TARDIS, he finds his own TARDIS waiting for him.
Sue: That’s brilliant. Very clever. Yeah, I like that a lot. That’s really imaginative.
When the Master takes off for Atlantis, the strain on the Doctor’s TARDIS causes Jo to fall on her coccyx. We know it’s her coccyx because the word coccyx is bandied around the TARDIS set like it’s going out of fashion.
Sue: Coccyx. Giant cockerel. Is this significant? Or is it just padding?
Meanwhile, back at the lab, Ruth and Stuart are attempting to free the Brigadier, who has been frozen in time. Unfortunately, their tinkering turns Benton into an infant instead.
Sue: Awwww, baby Benton. How cute.
After what feels like an hour of bickering, the Doctor is finally forced to face the Master. After a quick gloat, the Master unleashes Kronos.
Sue: Yep, it’s definitely a giant, glowing cock.
The Doctor and Kronos disappear.
Sue: Why wasn’t that the cliffhanger? That would have been a great cliffhanger.
Instead, the Master explains to Jo, in mind-numbing detail, what just happened. And then he bids Jo farewell as his TARDIS detaches itself from hers.
Sue: That cliffhanger wasn’t half as good as Kronos eating the Doctor. Still, this is a very good story so far. I’m certainly not bored by it.
Episode Five
This episode begins strongly, with the Doctor telepathically reaching out to Jo for help. Sue is enchanted by this scene.
And then we shift our focus to a plaza on Atlantis.
Me: OK, there’s a famous actress coming up soon.
Sue: This is me, remember.
Me: OK, there’s a vaguely familiar face coming up soon. There she is, over there.
Sue: Is it Rula Lenska?
An Atlantean named Hippias (“That name has to be a joke”), is criticising Kronos for being a crap God.
Sue: The Atlanteans remind me of the Dothraki from Game of Thrones. And the band KISS.
And then Sue goes very quiet, and I can tell she’s drowning in the Atlantean set design.
Sue: Do you remember those chairs?
Me: Yes, it’s an Emmanuelle chair.
Sue: Trust you to think of that. My best friend at school had a chair like that. We used to fight over who got to sit in it.
Me: Do you recognise the person sitting in that chair yet? I’ll give you a clue: She’s in one of my favourite films.
Sue: Emmanuelle?
Me: The Wicker Man.
Sue: That’s never Susan George!
Me: That’s Straw Dogs, you idiot.
Sue: It’s not Britt Ekland!
Me: No, it’s Ingrid Pitt.
Sue: I’ve never heard of her.
Me: She’s best known for her horror movies.
Sue: She’s not the greatest actress in the world, I can tell you that straight away. But I can see why you might like her. Enough said.
I’m never going to win that argument in a million years, so I back away slowly.
Sue: Even the Master is checking her out! Look at him gawping at her breasts. Still, it is incredibly difficult not to gawp at her breasts.
Me: If this was a Hammer film, she’d have got them out by now.
Meanwhile, in The Time Monster, King Dalios doesn’t believe that the Master is a god.
Sue: There are some great jokes in this story, and this bloke’s performance as the king is great. The script is very, very funny.
The Doctor and Jo arrive on Atlantis in pursuit of the Master.
Me: You wait ages for a god to come along and then two turn up at once.
Sue: Do Ingrid Pitt’s breasts get their own credit?
Jo discovers that the Master and Galleia are meeting in secret, and she attempts to spy on them.
Sue: Don’t go in there, Jo! You really don’t want to see the Master shagging the Queen – it could mentally scar you for life. I must say, though, the sets are great. It’s looks like they’ve really pushed the boat out for the last two episodes. The BBC are great at this sort of thing.
The episode concludes with Jo being thrown to a Minotaur.
Sue: That cliffhanger was a complete mess. What the hell happened there? The direction is the only thing letting this story down.
Episode Six
Jo is harassed by a Minotaur.
Me: That’s David Prowse.
Sue: Darth Vader? Really?
Me: Yes. And I’m impressed that you knew who I was talking about.
Sue: David Prowse is our Lou Ferringo, isn’t he? Hang on. Is he wearing carpet slippers?
As the Minotaur pursues Jo, he nearly brings the set down on top of him.
Sue: Wobbly set! They obviously told him not to touch the pillars, but he just couldn’t help himself.
Aside from noticing that Hippias is wearing red underpants, and that the Atlanteans are using Jo’s coat as a bedspread, Sue appears to be lapping up The Time Monster. And that’s a sentence you don’t get to write very often.
Meanwhile, the Master and Galleia are having a lovers’ tiff. The Master is left fuming when the Queen makes it clear to him that she’s the one wearing the trousers in their relationship.
Sue: You should have tested the goods before you bought them, mate.
The Doctor and Jo are thrown in a cell together. The Doctor takes a very philosophical view of the situation, and he tells Jo a story about his youth.
Sue: That was a great scene. Pertwee has never been better. He really went for that.
Me: The “diasiest daisy” line eerily prefigures Dennis Potter’s last television interview, where he referred to “the blossomest blossom”.
Sue: If you are going to steal, steal from the best.
Me: But The Time Monster was transmitted before Dennis Potter’s last interview.
Sue: Yes, I know.
I can’t tell if she’s joking or not.
Sue: The direction is pretty bad, though. One of the extras is blocking Jon Pertwee, now. Where the hell has he gone?
Aside from that, she finds the climatic scenes set on Atlantis, where Kronos flaps his wings and the city falls to pieces, very exciting. But then she has to go and spoil it.
Me: The Kronos crystal looks like something Ann Summers might come up with for a laugh.
The Doctor threatens to Time Ram the Master’s TARDIS and Jo follows through on this threat, even though it means certain death.
Sue: Jo is very brave. She might be the bravest companion of them all.
Me: I know. And now she’s dead. Stuart and Ruth are the new companions.
Sue: I don’t believe you. I stopped believing you ages ago.
Jo and the Doctor appear to be in some kind of limbo.
Sue: The person in charge of the chromakey this week should have been shot. Did they run out of time? It has a ‘that’ll do’ look about it.
Jo not only believes that she’s dead, she thinks death is “groovy”.
Sue: She’s tripping her tits off.
Suddenly, a woman’s face appears.
Sue: Is that River Song?
No, it’s Kronos. And now that Kronos is free (don’t ask), she will grant the Doctor a wish.
Sue: Can I have a TARDIS that works properly, please?
The Master begs for mercy.
Sue: That’s a bit weird. I don’t buy that at all. Oh, what a surprise, he’s legged it.
Meanwhile, back at Cambridge…
Me: Ruth and Stuart adopt baby Benton.
Sue: No they don’t.
Luckily for John Levene, the squabbling scientists manage to reverse the polarity (probably) and Benton returns to adulthood. In his birthday suit.
Me: John Levene was stark naked when they filmed that scene. His excuse was that he wanted to play it truthfully.
A cushion is thrown.
Sue: Benton has the last line in season nine. That’s nice.
The Final Score
Sue: I enjoyed that.
Me: Amazingly, so did I.
Sue: You just have to come to these things with an open mind. It was a good end to the season. It was very exciting in places, it had a good script, and there were some very inventive ideas. It was too long (of course) and the direction occasionally let it down but I like the way Jo and the Doctor are more of a team now. Yeah, it was pretty good, that.
8/10
We are off to London this weekend, and our itinerary includes a trip to The Doctor Who Experience. I will be posting photos of Sue posing with classic series monsters (I hope the Kronos costume is still on display) to our Facebook page when we return on Monday. On Tuesday, we will record a commentary for Serial RRR and I should probably warn you that Gary is staying with us next week. If you have a question about this story that you’d like to ask Sue (or Gary), please get in touch via this contact form. The best question will win something nice and the deadline is 5pm this Tuesday.
It usually takes me a while to edit a commentary once it’s been recorded, so there won’t be another site update until the end of next week. However, we shall endeavour to watch the next story while I’m editing, so, with any luck, you should get two updates in fairly rapid succession. Thanks for your continued support and patience.
The experiment continues…
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Doctor Who – Myths And Legends Box Set: The Time Monster / Underworld / The Horns of Nimon [DVD]
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Yes! The Time Monster is brilliant, I knew Sue wouldn’t let me down. One of my very favourites ever.
“The door that is supposed to protect everyone from radiation is just an ordinary door, with a keyhole and shuttered windows – which might even be open! How is that going to stop any radiation from leaking out? This episode is a health and safety nightmare.”
… which is three more words than The End Of Time was.
Yes, indeed. Funny how all the Pertwees I detested at the time are now such fun.
Hurrah, Gary’s back! I like Gary. He’s this blog’s very own Master. Or possibly, the Meddling Monk.
First 7 for The Mutants and now this! I knew Sue wouldn’t let us down. Two fun and massively underrated stories.
It is interesting how the once notoriously rubbish Pertwees are being re-evaluated through the dvd releases. They’re still the same old shows, but thanks to the docs and commentaries, we understand the challenges more and are willing to forgive some of the lapses and sort of love them for their ambition.
The Mutants is still tedious and about four episodes too long though.
It’s also a good reminder that these stories were made to be watched in installments like this, not all in one sitting. I can’t imagine anyone making the show in the 60s and 70s ever thought anyone would be watching these stories in a single sitting.
Ive never heard of Sue or enjoyed any carpentry of hers so who am I to comment
Nice one! I knew Sue would like this. It’s reasonably fast-paced (for a 6 part Pertwee) and fun. I’m glad Neil gets to find new enjoyment in things he hated by looking through her eyes. That’s rather sweet!
I wish I could convince my wife to do this experiment too, but I showed her about 90 seconds of Pyramids Of Mars once when the new series had started up and she said “forget it.”
After reading this, I’m really looking forward to watching this again. I always thought the Chronovore looked really fabulous, with every connotation of that word — not convincing, of course not, but almost nothing on classic Who ever looked “convincing.” I’ll take a roomful of giant spiders arguing with each other any day of the week, and if they look like puppets, okay, fine. Then Ingrid Pitt, a minotaur (always love me a minotaur), Jo’s Atlantean getup, timescooping action (at least it’s TIME this time), and some Russian-doll TARDIS action…it may turn out to be less than the sum of its parts when I see it on this side of the gulf of years, but I can live with that.
This blog is the best thing I’m reading on the internet anywhere, bar none. It’s almost as much fun as being there. Thanks to both of you for keeping the experiment going!
Also: is the beginning of “Logopolis” a callback to the TARDIS-nesting here? And is the Doctor’s contraption in “The Lodger” a callback to the Doctor’s contraption here?
Apparently the writer of Logopolis, who was having a rare dull and uninspired moment, remembered what another writer had thought of for The Keeper of Traken and copied his idea. But it’s entirely possible that the writer of The Keeper of Traken was inspired by this story. Yes, that’s quite likely.
As for Sue’s query, “Do Ingrid Pitt’s breasts get their own credit?” If you ever put THAT on a t-shirt, I’ll wear it!
Wow! So many possible t-shirt moments (by which I mean classic lines from Sue, a lot of my choices are too long for a t-shirt, but hey):-
1) “The angle on that ladder is far too shallow. He’ll definitely fall with an angle like that. Are you sure that he’s a real window cleaner?”
2) “This episode is a health and safety nightmare.”
3) “Bad ladder angle”
4) “My radiation suit is shit compared to his!” (Seriously, this would make a great t-shirt!)
5) “Have you tried reversing the polarity, sir?”
6) “Court martial the ****ing idiot!”
7) “Coccyx…Or is it just padding?”
Maybe overkill from me, but that was a fantastic review. The most enjoyable one of the Pertwee era so far. Go Sue!
Annoyingly, the Master can identically copy the Brig’s voice. It’s never been done before and won’t be done again. WHY. It’s such a useful bloody trick he has and he never uses it?!
Hurrah! Sue loves TIme Monster! Smashing. It’s my very favourite story, and it’s wonderful to read such a positive (and funny) review of it.
The Time Monster is basically our equivalent of 60s Batman – tremendous silly fun if you approach it in the right way, but an absolute abcess to all the Bidmeads out there who insist on taking their favourite characters with the utmost seriousness.
I think that kind of reasoning is dubious – it’s a bit like taking a sitcom, any sitcom, doesn’t matter which, and saying that if you don’t find it enjoyable it must mean you have no sense of humour. The reason why I don’t find The Time Monster very funny is the same reason why I don’t find Are You Being Served funny – I just don’t think it’s done particularly well. Nothing to do with disapproval of material that’s considered “silly” on principle. For example, I like Horns of Nimon…
Another terrific, demented outing, though I can’t imagine wearing most of Sue’s best lines on a t-shirt this week (perhaps a special line for university staff). I’m with Jazza1971 on one of them, though: the only Pertwee t-shirt I can imagine wearing is that famous shot of him on the phone with “Have you tried reversing the polarity, sir?” Brilliant.
Funniest bit was Sue’s fury at Mike Yates and his Freelander, but you can’t really get that on a t-shirt; have you considered sponsorship from LandRover instead?
“The Master uses the power of Kronos to slow down time.”
“I’m used to that. Especially with the six-parters.”
Tops. Mind you, of this particular writing partnership, I’ve always felt that Spiders is the most ‘Barry’ of their scripts together, while this is the most ‘Slo’. She’ll miss the long stories when they’re gone, though. I think you should tell her every second Tom’s a six-parter, just for a laugh.
“So the Master is Derren Brown and Jon Culshaw? He could have his own show on BBC1.”
I thought he did at this point.
“Couldn’t the Doctor have designed a device that was a little less phallic? It looks as if Jo is reading the numbers off a left testicle.”
Was Sue too excited last week to notice the butt-pluggy shape of Skybase and its “tradesman’s entrance” with “KY”, or what the Investigator’s ship did later? Clearly, at this end of Season Nine no-one on the production team was getting any. Though obviously topping it all with “Dr Ruth” is one of those continuity errors in the real world.
Also, Pertwee at his most unbearable – back when I reviewed The Time Monster, I gave the story a special prize for Who sexism but noted that the Master still trusts Dr Ingram to do important work for him, which is more than the überpatronising Doctor ever does with Jo – gets another high score from Sue. My Sea Devils case about his hypnotic bouffant’s evil effect on her is now a certainty.
Though I quite like Episode Five. If, obviously, not for Neil’s reasons.
I was pleasantly surprised by Sue’s reaction. I was expecting her to really vent her spleen over the tweeness of the Master’s getaway at the end. Maybe the quality of the story made her more tolerant to such an ending?
Some great lines from Sue this week.
I’d like to start the petition to get “Health And Safety Nightmare” and “Calling Atomic Rooster” turned into t-shirts.
“Calling Atomic Rooster” T-shirts would have to have “On the Side…” written on the side…
Sue’s got it right about this one – it’s completely bonkers but strangely enjoyable, and all the fantastic Doctor/Master scenes more than make up for the rubbishness of Kronos and the Atlanteans. And the next few stories are even better, looking forward to seeing what Sue makes of them…
Dont forget, it wasnt so long ago that Sue was watching the Webbed Planet, while most of us havent in years, so her scale might be calibrated differently. That said, I *like* that Sue doesnt have the ingrained reactions most of us do and is enjoying each one on its merits.
Id like to see Neil’s score before and after, just to compare, and its maybe too late now but it would be interesting to later sum all the scores and see who actually enjoyed Dr Who more, Because I really think it might be Sue. An episode like this he might give a 4, and I think slowly Sue would edge ahead because she actually did enjoy it.
Best t-shirt?
A bored Pertwee on the phone: ““Hello, IT – Have you tried reversing the polarity?”
Yes. Just Yes.
8? 8? Much as I love reading this blog (another very entertaining post, by the way), it can occasionally feel as if I have entered a strange, sinister Inferno-style parallel universe, one where The Massacre is only deemed worthy of a 2.
As far as The Time Monster is concerned I agree with Sue about one thing – it certainly isn’t boring. Trouble is, I can’t get away from the ineffable air of smugness that surrounds the whole thing. It’s as if the regulars and the production team are now so confident and aware of the show’s renewed popularity that they feel entitled to kick back and have a good laugh for six episodes, regardless of the entertainment value of the end product for the viewing audience. I don’t have a problem per se with silly humour in Who – I quite enjoy The Horns of Nimon, for example – but large tracts of this story are just excruciating, particularly when the deadly duo Ruth and Stu hove into view. Making matters worse, this is the story where the Brig turns into an imbecile, while even Roger Delgado is lured into occasional hamminess by the panto-style script.
Still, really looking forward to the next one, particularly if Gary is in tow, though I fear it won’t do much to shake his anti-Who prejudices. Have a great time in London!
The other thing that I do like about this story was the seduction of the Queen by the Master with neither a snog nor any suggestion of tonsil hockey in sight. This is perhaps something the new series could bear in mind?
So Pertwee’s “moment of charm” actually worked – and even counteracted the negative impression caused by his patronising attitude to Jo? Miracles never cease.
It’s great that Sue enjoyed George Cormack’s performance – he gets shoved in the cell just after the Doctor has bene talking about his (the Doctor’s) old mentor. And in a couple of seasons, the same actor shows up – as the Doctor’s old mentor! Pertwee must’ve liked it too, Lis Sladen said that he wanted old friends and familiar faces around him for his final story.
Interesting (?) that some members of Atomic Rooster broke away to form the band “Daemon”
Sue’s rant about the range rover was priceless, I laughed until cried.
“Do Ingrid Pitt’s breasts get their own credit?”
Put that on a lady’s T-shirt. I’ll get it for my wife.
Sue’s definitely on a roll! Can’t wait for her to encounter the infamous Gell Guards in the next story…..
I see how the story arc is panning out now; by the end of the experiment Sue will be fully converted into an enthusiastic who fan (or a fanatic who enthusiast – whichever suggests the stronger affiliation), whereas Neil will refuse ever to watch or even discuss an episode again so disillusioned with it he has become by the experience – it’s one of those ironical twist stories!
I just *knew* Sue wouldn’t let us down with this ‘un!
I can understand why people dislike “The Time Monster” so much, but I’ve never been one of them. Yeah, it has its rough patches, but I’d rather watch this one over some of Pertwee’s other six-parters.
Also, the wicker throne that Galleia is brought in on — it’s called a peacock chair, and in the 1960s sitcom “The Addams Family”, it was what Morticia always sat in.
Cheers, JohnH
‘The Master uses the power of Kronos to slow down time.
Sue: I’m used to that. Especially with the six-parters.’
Some hilarious foreshadowing of Invasion Of The Really Shit Dinosaurs there.
No *really*, even the incidental music seems a bit embarrassed in that story. I just got my hands on the DVD, and during the menu sequences, out of all the T-Rex manifestations to include, they’ve picked the one where Dudley’s wobbly synth, in a scale of drooping notes, seems to saying “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear that’s a bit crap.”
I saw it this week for the first time and quite enjoyed it. Yes when the effects are crap they are totally arse – the dino-wrestling match in part 6 is the nadir, plus any shots of the full-body Chewit monster T-Rex. And the pterodactyl that many reviewers forgive is pretty cack too. But the T-Rex head-only puppet works pretty well (though it doesn’t match the full-body one at all), and the sequence where Sarah is locked in with a waking dinosaur is quite exciting (until it crashes through a wall like a Dangermouse monster). The stegosaurus and triceratops look okay too, though as they’re just standing about that’s not much of an invasion…
Someone is not on the same page as the rest of the class, are they?
Surprised no ones mentioned that Atomic Rooster were a moderately successful British 70′s rock band. Almost fell for Frankmole’s Daemon gag however..
Well now! I was expecting this one to get a right old kicking. The joy of Sue is that she’s unpredictable.
She’s going to hate Genesis of the Daleks, isn’t she?
ditto Caves of Androzani?
On several past discussions commentators have indicated how horrible they found “The Time Monster” and implied how eagerly they were looking forward to Sue taking the piss out of it.
But she liked it.
I liked it too. I thought maybe I had previously watched it somewhat carelessly and missed the bad spots, but on rewatching it again before reading Sue’s comments I still enjoyed it immensely for the most part. Nothing more wrong with it than was wrong with the various preceding and following stories.
Beautiful, daft, silly, ridiculous loveable ol’ Time Monster.
It’s good to see some love for it., I have a tremendous fondness for this story.
Yes, I always like this story too, silly as it is.
This one seemed a bit silly the first couple of episodes; the Master being a professor now (actually, he plays a pretty good professor). The Benny Hill moments were a bit odd, and the TOMTIT (what? who dreamed that up) experiment was just a bit too odd. Why wouldn’t the Doctor want to check that out? That’s his speciality. Though I did get a laugh out of the bits of string and a cork he worked up to foil the time experiment later.
Why was the Master wearing a heavy duty radiation suit when no one else was? Radiation only goes for a foot or two? But never you mind.
Then the Kronos showed up. A giant flapping human-sized chicken. It even squawked. That was a bit rubbish. And Atlantis, didn’t we do that already? Back again so soon?
Then the story picks up with all the time stuff: Stuart aging to his 80′s was really great. And the Master’s Tardis being a Computer Cabinet (wow, they were huge then. Just think, there’s probably 100X more power in your mobile smart phone). Then I was completed floored when they did the TARDIS in another TARDIS (and yet another). Loved it.
Best Sue Quote:
Sue: That’s way ahead of its time. You know, the Master could make a killing if he just invested his time and energy into personal computers. He’d be better off working with Steve Jobs than a giant chicken that can eat time. It’s just a thought.
I also liked that the Brigadier got slowed down in time and then frozen.
I see they redecorated the TARDIS. I don’t like it.
Then all that nonsense in Atlantis. It didn’t look like the other Atlantis in the the 2nd Doctor’s story. But never mind. It had a Minotaur too. And Ingrid Pitt. Whom I have to admit really stood out in this episode. Her and her cleavage. A bit more glamorous than usual for a family show. And the Master and innuendo; never thought I’d hear that. Another appearance by the giant squawking chicken.. Then later the chicken turns into a beautiful godlike woman. Surprised, usually they turn out to be aliens.
Anyway, after all the nasty stuff he’s done, the Master still gets away at the end. And Benton made a cute looking baby. It was a bit silly, this story, but not bad. 7/10 sounds good.
Presumably the Master was wearing the radiation suit to conceal his identity from the Doctor and his party.
That’s what I always thought as he only puts on the helmet when they arrive.
More and more I’m thinking that the “classic” and “rubbish” ratings refer more to the novelisation than the actual programme. Remember that the books were the only way we could “re-view” the episodes: no DVD (VHS) or repeats then. The novelisation of Time Monster was a Terrence Dicks “churn-out-a-script-with-said-put-in” version whilst (for example) Doomsday Machine was an excellent adaptation…..
What a lot of people don’t know is that Ingrid Pitt co-wrote an episode of Doctor Who that was never produced. So she had tits and brains. Big, bulbous ones.
Brains or tits?