Me: Right, this is it.
Sue: This is what?
Me: This is the last Jon Pertwee story. Six more episodes and it’s all over.
Sue: Really? Why are you telling me this now? Are you winding me up again?
Me: I was going to keep it a surprise, but I believe this story works better if you know that it’s the Third Doctor’s swan song. It would have been common knowledge to the average viewer at the time, too. The reason I know this for a fact is because my mother sat me down and explained to me what was going to happen in advance. She probably did this to stop me freaking out when Pertwee was replaced by another actor. Oh, and you’d have to be an idiot not to see it coming a mile off anyway, so I thought I’d put you out of your misery now.
When the story’s title appears on-screen, Sue turns to me and laughs.
Sue: Spiders, eh? You must really hate this story. Don’t worry, you can hold my hand if you get scared. I’ll protect you.
Yes, I suffer from arachnophobia. I also live in the country and I spend a great deal of my time screaming for Sue to come and rescue me from eight-legged ****ers.
Me: This story had a profound effect on me as a child. You could say that it made me the person I am today.
Sue: Afraid of spiders?
Me: No, afraid of Buddhists.
Me: You’ll see.
The story begins with a lonely man walking down a country lane.
Sue: We’re on location. That’s a good start.
Me: Do you recognise this character?
Sue: Is it the actor who plays Yates? Is he playing a different part?
Me: No, that is Yates!
Sue: I thought he was persona non grata?
Meanwhile, the Doctor and the Brigadier are out painting the town red.
Sue: Is this what they get up to on their days off? What the hell is going on? And why is the Doctor sitting here instead of exploring the universe or something? Have we skipped an episode?
A torturous comedy routine is followed by a Turkish belly dancer named Sherezadi.
Sue: They’ve come to working men’s club to see A STRIPPER??!
Lethbridge-Stewart’s eyes almost pop out of his head.
Sue: Brigadier! No! I am very disappointed in you.
Meanwhile, Yates breaks into a large country house and he makes for the cellar, where he spies a group of middle-aged men meditating over a Roger Dean album cover.
Me: I told you that Buddhists were bloody terrifying.
Sue: They look more like bank managers than Buddhists.
Me: It is possible to be both, you know. Barry Letts was a Buddhist.
Sue: Does Doctor Who have a Buddhist agenda? We’ve seen Buddhists in the show before, haven’t we?
Me: Yes, the only problem is that I grew up associating Buddhism with monsters and alien invasions. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t Barry’s intention when he wrote this.
The next day, Professor Clegg is summoned to UNIT HQ to speak with the Doctor. He was the clairvoyant act at last night’s sordid cabaret.
Sue: It’s a bit like MI5 bringing Derren Brown in for questioning. You can tell that he’s got mind control powers because of the beard.
Sue cradles a cushion in her lap as the Doctor enlists Clegg to help him with his research into ESP.
Sue: Is he going to form an alliance with Clegg? Can you see what I just did there? It’s because the Doctor is a –
Me: Yes, very good.
Sue: So, why is the Doctor fixated on this particular subject all of a sudden? Is he sick of all the mind control every week, as well? I still don’t understand why he isn’t off having an adventure on some alien planet. This is out of character. He couldn’t wait to leave planet Earth but now he’s hanging around UNIT like a spare part.
While we ponder that, Yates meets Sarah Jane at a remote train station in his sports car.
Sue: He’s starting his midlife crisis early. And his MG needs a service, too. Listen to it squeaking! That would turn Sarah right off.
Yates tells Sarah that he has an exclusive scoop for her magazine.
Sue: So is Sarah Jane a journalist again? Has she left the Doctor? Why does she trust Yates again? And in which magazine did she publish her story about the giant penis in a cape?
Yates shares his suspicious about a local Buddhist meditation centre with Sarah.
Sue: Yates has the look of a young Mick Jagger – the long hair suits him. I’m glad they brought him back to finish off his story. They left it a bit up in the air. Not that I was seriously expecting any kind of resolution.
In the meditation centre’s cellar, a group of men, who are led by a grumpy looking man named Lupton, are chanting as they focus on a mandala.
Sue: He looks familiar.
Me: I’ll give you a foot rub if you can tell me where in Doctor Who you’ve encountered this actor before.
Sue: Wasn’t he in On the Buses?
At UNIT HQ, the Doctor has hooked Clegg up to a machine that Sue quickly identifies as a salon-style hair dryer.
Sue: Those are the same headphones from the story with the giant maggots in it. He’s nicked them from that giant computer that was brainwashing everyone.
Oh, she’s so close!
Clegg then uses his powers to reveal that the Brigadier enjoyed extra-marital relations with a young lady named Doris.
Me: I told you he was having an affair.
Sue is not entirely happy about this and she half-laughs half-tuts as the scene plays itself out. The Doctor then asks Clegg to mentally probe his sonic screwdriver and a nearby monitor displays images of Drashigs being attacked by the device in Carnival of Monsters.
Sue: I suppose the Doctor should count himself lucky that it isn’t showing images of a giant cock in a shower curtain. How would he explain that to the Brigadier?
Benton walks into the lab, and he too dismisses the Doctor’s contraption as an overblown hair dryer.
Sue: Benton and I would get on like a house on fire. We think the same way. Is the actor who played Benton still alive?
Me: Yes! You passed him in a corridor about three months ago. You were invited to see some of his stand-up comedy but you were too busy hiding in the hotel restaurant to attend. Actually, that was probably for the best.
Sue: That was never Benton! Never in a million years! I thought it was Ian Levine that I passed in the corridor.
Me: Scary, isn’t it?
Back at the meditation centre, Sarah is interviewing a Tibetan monk named Cho-Je about his beliefs. At one point, Cho-Je says, “The old man must die and the new man will discover to his inexpressible joy that he has never existed”.
Sue: In other words, “Don’t worry, Tom Baker will be along shortly”. There’s a lot of foreshadowing going on in this episode. I like it.
Benton has brought with him a package that has been sent to UNIT from the Amazon by Jo Grant. The Doctor asks Clegg to identify the package’s contents without opening it.
Sue: Is it a DVD boxset? That’s what you usually get from Amazon.
Me: Very funny.
Sue: Is it the blue crystal from the one with –
Me: – the giant maggots? Yes. Yes, it is.
Sue: I know really it’s called The Green Death. I just like winding you up.
Their interview concluded, Mike and Sarah pretend to leave the meditation centre, only to double back again.
Sue: There are a lot of references to the past in this episode. Look, Sarah Jane is flirting with Mike Yates now. They set that up weeks ago. It’s a bit like Lost, this.
Meanwhile, the Doctor’s experiments get out of hand when Clegg’s mind makes contact with the Metebelis crystal.
Sue: The Doctor’s only gone and killed him! While he was in his care! That’s a health and safety nightmare. UNIT will be up to their necks in litigation for months. Unless they cover it up. I bet Benton knows where all the bodies are buried.
The episode concludes with something rather strange materialising in the meditation centre’s cellar.
Sue: So, Buddhists are making giant spiders appear out of thin air.
Sue: Erm… why?
Sue: Only five more Jon Pertwee episodes to go. I can’t quite believe it. I bet Part Five will still be rubbish, though. And I bet you must have loads of memories of this one from when you were young. Or were you too scared to watch it?
Me: Oh, I can remember so many sequences from this story, it’s ridiculous. I won’t bore you with them now, but my strongest memory by far concerns the omnibus repeat they aired that Christmas. I am standing in Coventry’s Pool Meadow Bus Station, waiting for a Number 7 with my mother, and I’m screaming the place down because we’ve missed both the bus and the omnibus. The reason I know why it’s the Christmas repeat is because I can distinctly remember my mother trying to pacify me with a gingerbread snowman.
Sue: Omnibus edition?
Me: Don’t even go there. I raised the possibility that we might watch that version instead of the regular episodes but readers on Twitter and Facebook nearly tore my head off.
Sue: Would you jump off a cliff if they asked you to?
Me: I don’t know. What would that do to our hit stats?
The giant spider summoned by Lupton’s gang prepares to make its move.
Sue: Does the spider jump onto his back? Oh look, it has. And now it’s invisible. Yes, I have definitely seen this before. I’m sure of it. It definitely jumps onto a woman’s back later on.
Me: Hang on a minute. Did the woman in question look like Catherine Tate by any chance?
Me: Thought so.
The Doctor hooks the Metebelis crystal up to his machine and he sees spiders writhing around on the monitor. I turn away in revulsion.
Sue: So did Doctor Who make you afraid of spiders? Is it Doctor Who‘s fault that I have to keep rescuing you whenever you decide to take a bath?
Me: I don’t think so. It probably reinforced my fear of them, though. I still have problems watching this story today.
Sue: So is Lupton Spider-Man, now? Can he climb walls and swing around on webs and stuff? He might want to think about a costume of some sort. A brown roll neck jumper isn’t going to cut it.
Back at UNIT HQ, the Doctor admits that he was responsible for Clegg’s death. Sue can’t understand why he hasn’t turned himself in to the police yet.
Sue: At least he cares that he’s accidentally killed Derren Brown. And doesn’t Jon Pertwee look tired all of a sudden?
Sue appears to be enjoying this episode (she adores Sarah’s hat and coat ensemble), and when we see both the Whomobile and Bessie in the same car park, she can’t believe her eyes.
Sue: This really is a greatest hits package, isn’t it?
The Doctor says he didn’t see any giant spiders on Metebelis 3 the last time he dropped in on the planet.
Sue: No, but there was a giant chicken. Even I can remember the giant chicken.
Lupton barges into UNIT HQ and when Benton tries to intervene, Lupton electrocutes him.
Sue: Have they killed Benton? Is this Benton’s last story as well? Does UNIT get killed off? I’m a bit worried now.
Lupton steals the Metebelis crystal and the Brigadier attempts to stop him with the use of deadly – but incredibly inaccurate – force.
Sue: The Brig ought to be a better shot than that! Is it any wonder that UNIT can’t hit a barn door at 20 paces if he’s the one that’s training them. Good grief.
And then the chase begins.
Sue: Is this one of those special Top Gear challenges were they have to get from one end of the country to the other in different vehicles?
Me: It’s more like Wacky Races.
It isn’t long before this high-speed pursuit attracts the attention of the police.
Sue: It’s Mel Smith in a panda car!
It’s at this point that Sue begins to suspect that this scene might be nothing more than padding. And we’re only two minutes in.
Sue: That’s the same fork in the road. They are going round and round in circles. I’m guessing that none of this exists in the omnibus edit? They must have cut this bit out completely.
Me: You’d have thought so, wouldn’t you? But they didn’t.
Sue gives me a funny look.
And the chase goes on.
Sue: You know, I’ve never seen a car chase where the participants get out and swap vehicles. You wouldn’t catch Bullitt doing that.
With Lupton now in a gyrocopter and the Doctor back in his Whomobile, Sue spots a fatal flaw.
Sue: I can’t wait to see Tom Baker driving around in the Whomobile – Hang on, what happened to the spider? Hasn’t Lupton splattered it into the upholstery by now?
And then, to Sarah’s horror (and Sue’s laughter), the Whomobile takes to the skies.
Sue: It’s turned into Grease now.
And the chase goes on.
Sue: This is basically Jon Pertwee’s leaving present, isn’t it? It’s a bit self-indulgent.
The Doctor follows Lupton’s gyrocopter to the coast.
Sue: Not boats as well! What comes after the boats? Trains? Buses? Space Hoppers?
Lupton steals a motorboat from Terry Walsh.
Sue: He looks familiar.
Me: He should. He played the Doctor last week.
A man on a hovercraft tries to intervene but Lupton deals with him as well.
Sue: Why does he look so pleased to be electrocuted?
And the chase goes on.
Sue: There’s more driving in this episode than there is in the film Drive!
To spice things up, the Doctor runs somebody over.
Me: Ah, a comedy tramp. It really is a Now That’s What I Call Pertwee episode.
Sue: It reminds me of Live and Let Die. It’s as long as Live and Let Die.
The Doctor finally catches up with Lupton’s boat, but when he boards it his quarry is nowhere to be found.
Sue: Why didn’t Lupton do that 10 minutes ago?
Back at the meditation centre, a young man with learning difficulties named Tommy has his eye on the Metebelis crystal.
Sue: He’s a young Colin Montgomerie.
Lupton confers with Barnes, one of his Buddhist colleagues, about what happened in the cellar with the giant spider.
Sue: He looks familiar.
Me: Bizarrely, and I really am not making this up, Barnes looks like someone who teaches Buddhism at our university. I think he specialises in distance learning.
Lupton rants at Barnes about how losing his job as a sales director resulted in him wishing to channel his energies into achieving world domination. As you do.
Sue: From redundancy to world domination – that’s quite a career move. I hope you don’t do something stupid like this when you take your severance this summer, Neil.
When Lupton’s spider tells him that his master will come for him soon, Sue starts to open her mouth.
Me: Don’t even think about it.
As Barnes leaves Lupton and his spider to share some quality time together, Sue offers a word of advice:
Sue: Make sure you don’t step on the giant spider on your way out.
Having said that, she is very impressed by the model spiders, finding them both realistic and creepy.
The spider then decides to torture Lupton in an attempt to demonstrate to him who is wearing the trousers, but Lupton turns the tables on her.
Lupton heads for the cellar to mediates before a mandala. Sarah follows him and she is accidentally transported to Metebelis 3.
Sue: Metebelis 3 looks quite nice. Are you sure this is the same place as before? It was a shit-hole when the Doctor visited it last time.
The Doctor decides to follow Sarah in his TARDIS.
Sue: Why doesn’t he just use the mat? It would be quicker and more reliable.
While the Doctor faffs about, Sarah is introduced to Metebelis 3’s human inhabitants.
Sue: Now, he is definitely familiar. (Pause) Is he a 1970s porn star?
Me: I don’t know. How many 1970s porn stars are you familiar with?
Sue: It’s not Jason King, is it?
I attempt to jog her memory with the international hand gesture for Gareth Hunt.
Sue: Is he?
Me: Oh, for God’s sake, it’s Gareth Hunt!
Me: The New Avengers?
Sue: The what?
Me: The Nescafe adverts?
Sue: Oh, him!
Sue: Oh. My. God.
Me: Sue, I’d like you to meet Jenny Laird.
Sue is gobsmacked by Jenny’s performance. Is ‘performance’ even the right word? And then, when I tell her that there was a Jenny Laird Prize at RADA.
Sue: Maybe it was a booby prize for the most stilted performance of the year? Or maybe Barry Letts hired the wrong Jenny Laird by mistake? This woman can not act. I could do a better job than her and I’m shit!
Despite Jenny’s best efforts, Sue is quite taken with Metebelis 3, especially its Butlins-style chalets and its “lovely cobbled floors”. But when the TARDIS arrives, she is even more impressed.
Sue: The TARDIS is having a good day. Look at that. Inches away from where the Doctor needs to be. For a single episode, Jon Pertwee’s TARDIS acts like Matt Smith’s.
Before the Doctor can rescue Sarah, a giant spider arrives to spoil things. A fight between the Doctor and the spider’s guards kicks off.
Sue: Just step on it! I know it’s a very big spider but it’s still just a spider.
Just as I am about to remind her that these spiders possess special powers, the Doctor is zapped by one of her guards and he stumbles to the floor, unconscious.
Sue: Is this it then? Is he going to regenerate now?
Sue: So when is he going to regenerate? It guess that it must be a very long regeneration if we still have three episodes left. And I thought David Tennant’s was a bit drawn out. Or does Tom Baker turn up in the middle of this story to sort it all out?
In one of the brief moments where Sue manages to take her eyes off Jenny Laird, she believes that she has recognised a famous extra lurking nearby.
Sue: It’s Meryl Streep.
Me: Don’t be silly – they couldn’t afford Meryl Streep and Jenny Laird.
Meanwhile, back at the meditation centre.
Sue: These men look – and act – like a paedophile ring.
Me: I am definitely sure that wasn’t what Buddhist Barry had in mind.
With the Metebelis crystal now in his possession, Tommy is slowly reading from a children’s book.
Sue: I had that book when I was at school! I remember the pictures and everything!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sue this excited in the middle of a Doctor Who episode before.
The Metebelis crystal clears Tommy’s mind and he discovers, to his astonishment, that he can read fluently.
Sue: What a brilliant idea. And they did it really well, too. It’s a great performance from Colin Montgomerie.
Meanwhile, on Metebelis 3, the Doctor is barely conscious.
Sue: Come on! Don’t just lie there! Regenerate!
The Doctor gives Sarah the key to the TARDIS and he asks her to bring some equipment back with her that could save his life.
Sue: That’s weird. I thought the TARDIS used a Yale key?
As the Metebelis colonists debate their next move, Sue isn’t exactly swayed by the courage of their convictions.
Sue: They are all hair and no balls. They would be far better off staging a production of Hair.
On her way back to the Doctor, Sarah is captured. But the machine finds its way back to the Doctor. He switches on the device and – BOOM!
Sue: Where’s Tom Baker? Oh, this is getting silly now. It’s still Jon Pertwee.
At the meditation centre, Yates stumbles across the local paedo ring and he is tied up for his troubles.
Sue: Yates has a brand new pair of shoes. Look at his sole. It hasn’t got a mark on it.
Me: Oh, that’s very deep.
The Doctor arrives at the spiders’ city where Sarah has been cocooned in a web.
Sue: It looks like spun.
Me: A spun web? Yes, it does.
Sue: No, spun. Tuff spun to be precise. It’s a material they used to diffuse studio lighting. Don’t you know anything?
The episode concludes with the Doctor failing to rescue his companion. The look on Sarah’s face says it all.
Sue: How disappointing.
Sue: Oh joy, it’s Part Five.
It turns out that the giant spiders on Metebelis 3 really want their crystal back.
Sue: So this is all the Doctor’s fault. You can’t really blame the spiders for being annoyed. It would be like a spider stealing the Star of India from us. We’d be pissed off.
Jenny Laird continues to fascinate Sue and she can’t help feeling sorry for the other actors who have to interact with her.
Sue: She’s certainly not helping Gareth Hunt. He’s as stiff as a board whenever she comes near him.
The Doctor escapes from his cocoon with the aid of a trick that he claims to have learnt from Harry Houdini. But the greatest trick is that he somehow manages to divulge this information without moving his lips.
Sue: Was he taught ventriloquism by Roger De Courcey?
Meanwhile, a spider attempts to strike a deal with Sarah: the crystal in exchange for peace, love and harmony. Sarah agrees.
Sue: I’d demand to see something on paper first. Although you wouldn’t be able to read their handwriting.
But if there’s one thing that disappoints Sue, it’s the spiders’ habitat.
Sue: The spiders’ lair isn’t what I expected at all. I thought it would be a dark cave covered in cobwebs. It looks like a car showroom.
But her biggest obstacle is that she can’t work out which spider is which.
Sue: They all look and sound the same to me. How can they seriously expect me to keep up with this?
Sue: Speaking of which, what’s with yellowing-up with the monk? Couldn’t they have hired a real Tibetan? And Cho-Je is definitely in on it. Whatever it is. That’s what Doctor Who does.
The Doctor is tricked by the Great One into entering its domain.
Me: The voice of the Great One was provided by Kismet Delgado, Roger’s widow.
Sue: That’s nice.
EDIT: Yes, yes, I got this wrong – she voices the Queen. They all sound the same to me as well. Sorry! I have framed the 27 emails that have been sent to me pointing this out. Thanks.
The Great One taunts the Doctor with her power.
Sue: The Doctor looks genuinely scared. It’s either that or indigestion.
And then the Great One forces the Doctor to march around in a circle.
Sue: That was very disturbing. I really don’t know what to make of that.
Back on Earth, Cho-Je proves that he isn’t in on anything when he is electrocuted by a spider. And then Yates is struck down as well.
Sue: It’s turning into a blood bath. Just so long as they don’t harm Tommy, I can handle it.
As Tommy leads the Doctor and Sarah to safety, Sarah remarks on how “normal” he suddenly seems.
Sue: I’m not happy about that. That’s a bad choice of words.
I rewind the DVD and when Sue hears Tommy’s reply – that he sincerely hopes that he isn’t normal – she quickly changes her tune.
Sue: That salvaged it. That’s a great line. I apologise for jumping the gun. But I’m warning you now: if Tommy dies, this story will get 0/10. I don’t care if it is Pertwee’s last story.
The Doctor is brought before the abbot, K’Anpo Rinpoche. The Doctor seems to recognise him.
Sue: Is it the Master?
Me: I’ll let you have that one. I can actually see where you are coming from. But no, it isn’t the Master. Sorry.
The episode concludes with Tommy under attack from brainwashed Buddhists backed-up (literally) with spiders.
Sue: That’s was a great cliffhanger. A character in danger that I really care about. They’d better not kill him, though. I’m serious.
After completing our Final Pertwee Dance, we settle down to watch the last episode.
Sue: They never did fix the titles, did they? That’s a shame. Not that I’ll miss these titles. It’s the bit where his legs turned into a tunnel that never really worked for me.
Pertwee’s final episode begins and confusion quickly sets in.
Sue: This is a very long recap, isn’t it? The episode will be over by the time we reach its resolution.
And then the recap is suddenly interrupted by some brand new scenes that we’ve never seen before.
Sue: What happened to Tommy? Is he dead? What’s going on?
And then the original cliffhanger suddenly picks up where it left off.
Sue: I think that worked. Just about. I don’t think you could get away with it every week, though. And it doesn’t help that we watched two episodes back to back either. It’s like Barry wanted another go at it.
It transpires out that Sarah has the queen spider on her back and she zaps the Doctor.
Sue: Does Sarah make the Doctor regenerate? Does she have to live with the guilt?
Sue reaches for a cushion but then she thinks better of it.
Sue: This is technically hypnotism-stroke-mind-control. I really should be smashing you in the face right now but I’m actually enjoying it for a change, so I’ll let you off.
After freeing Sarah from the spider, the Doctor admits that he is the one at fault, and he shouldn’t have stolen the crystal from Metebelis 3 in the first place.
Sue: That was a powerful message. I’m really glad they are addressing this Doctor’s flaws. It’s almost as if I was supposed to think he was a pompous **** all along. And doesn’t David Tennant’s regeneration echo these sentiments a bit? It’s a nice twist and not what I was expecting at all.
Sadly, K’Anpo’s claim that Cho-Je is a projection of his future self goes down like a lead balloon:
Me: Just imagine that William Hartnell could project Patrick Troughton. It’s a bit like that.
Sue: That really doesn’t help.
The Doctor realises that he will have to face his greatest fear.
Sue: So he’s frightened of spiders? Or is it being made to walk around in circle? Which is it?
As the brainwashed Buddhists converge on Tommy, Yates redeems himself by taking the psychic bullet, an act that Sue welcomes with open arms. She actually believes that Yates is dead and I can tell that she’s vaguely disappointed when it turns out that his ‘compassion’ managed to save him.
K’Anpo is wounded in the altercation and he regenerates into Cho-Je.
Sue: He makes it looks so easy. And it prepares the children watching for the upcoming regeneration. Easily confused children like you. Your mother needn’t have warned you after all.
The Doctor arrives at the cave of crystals to face the Great One.
Sue: The Great One actually lives up to her name. The spiders have looked pretty good, actually. I’m impressed.
The Doctor returns the crystal and all hell breaks loose when a feedback loop is created by the Great One’s thoughts. The Doctor manages to escape to his TARDIS before the entire mountain blows up around him.
Sue: So it didn’t kill the Doctor after all. He’s fine. So what kills him?
Weeks pass and the Doctor is nowhere to be seen.
Sue: Does he regenerate in an unseen adventure? That would be disappointing.
The TARDIS finally returns to UNIT HQ.
Sue: Does Tom Baker walk out?
The Doctor, damaged and dying, stumbles into Sarah’s arms. He tells her that the TARDIS brought him home.
Sue: So UNIT is his home now? Not Gallifrey? That’s interesting.
And then the Doctor dies. Sue doesn’t say a word. And I can’t say anything because I’m far too choked up and if I look at her she might see how choked up I am, so I’m buggered if I know how she’s reacting right now.
She eventually breaks her silence.
Sue: Yeah, that was a good scene. Nicely played. I can’t say I’m disappointed to see him go but… yeah, that was nicely done.
Just when all hope seems lost, a projection of Cho-Je appears to usher in a new era.
Sue: Why does the Doctor need someone to kickstart his regeneration? The next time he regenerates won’t people wonder where the little genie is?
Me: Who says he won’t be around?
Sue: Okay, fair enough.
And then the moment we have all been waiting for finally arrives.
Sue: It’s Tom Jones!
Sue: I’m still not clear on why or how the Doctor died. In fact, the plot didn’t make a great deal of sense to me. But the regeneration itself was very effective and some of the performances were excellent. I wish you’d let me see the omnibus edit. I bet it would have flown by.
We appear to have reached the end of the Pertwee era. How the hell did that happen?
To be honest with you, I’m terrified when I think about what might happen next. Either Sue will tear apart some of my favourite episodes, which could result in a very messy divorce, or, even worse, this might happen:
Sue: That was good.
Me: Yes, it was.
Sue: I like Tom Baker.
Me: So do I.
For a bit.
We’ll just have to wait and see.