I wanted Nicol to watch at least one Colin Baker episode with us and The Two Doctors seemed like the safest bet. It’s a story about vegetarianism (Nicol has been meat-free for the last year) and it’s set in an exotic location (she likes Spain). And if she didn’t agree to watch it with us, I’d delete this week’s episode of Homeland from the PVR.

I cue up the DVD’s Episode Selection screen.

Sue: It’s three episodes. But that means…
Nicol: Only three episodes? That’s short.
Sue: Don’t get your hopes up, Nic. These episodes are 45-minutes long.
Nicol: WHAT?
Sue: This is the same length as a six-parter. I knew you were hiding something from me, Neil. This had better be good.

Part One

The Two DoctorsSue: Only two Doctors this time? We had five last time. Were there cutbacks at the BBC?
Nicol: Does the Doctor regenerate? Is that why there’s two of them?
Sue: I bet he teams up with one of the old ones. I bet I know who it will be as well. Let me guess. I bet it’s.

Oh dear, too late.

Sue: It’s Patrick Troughton!
Nicol: This is black and white. I’m not watching this if it’s in black and white.
Sue: Hang on a minute, something isn’t right.
Nicol: Yes, I know. I was expecting Colin Baker.
Sue: He’s old. This Doctor shouldn’t have grey hair. This doesn’t make any sense.
Me: I’ll explain later.
Sue: Explain now.
Me: I can’t. It will take too long and Nicol will fall into a coma. I’ll tell you when the episode has finished.
Sue: It’s great to see him again. I’ve missed him. I don’t care if this is three parts any more.

Nicol sighs.

The Two DoctorsThe Doctor and Jamie are heading for the space station Chimera where some of the most brilliant scientists in the universe have assembled to work together. The Doctor tells Jamie that he wants to slip in quietly.

Second Doctor: Think of the commotion! They’ll all be scrambling around wanting my autograph.
Sue: I met his son recently.
Me: Yes, I know. I was there.
Sue: He was lovely. Just like his dad. He was the best thing about that bloody convention.

The TARDIS materialises in the station’s kitchen. The Doctor and Jamie are threatened by a chef, Shockeye o’ the Quauncing Grig.

Sue: It’s Gordon Ramsay in one of his better moods.

The Doctor demands to see Dastari, the station’s Head of Projects.

Sue: Has Colin got the whole week off? Not that I’m complaining.

Jacqueline Pearce appears as an Androgum named Chessene.

The Two DoctorsSue: Is she famous?
Me: That’s Servalan.
Sue: Who?
Nicol: Who?
Me: It isn’t important.
Sue: Will you explain anything to me today?

The Second Doctor meets his old friend, Dastari. The scientist brags about genetically augmenting Chessene into a genius.

Sue: So he’s basically a plastic surgeon for the brain. I think I’d prefer some Botox, thanks.

Spherical objects are rapidly approaching the space station.

Sue: Sontarans!
Nicol: How did you know that?

She points at the Character Options Sontaran Scout Ship gathering dust on our sideboard.

The Two DoctorsSue: I was with him in Forbidden Planet when he bought it. It looks like a mini-Epcot centre. You can’t even fit the Sontaran inside it. What a rip off.
Nicol: Even I know what the Sontarans are.
Sue: We like the Sontarans. They’re not all bad. Some of them are quite nice, actually.

The Moff has a lot to answer for.

Elsewhere, the Sixth Doctor is fishing for gumblejacks.

Sue: There he is, Nicol. That’s the Sixth Doctor.
Nicol: You can’t really miss him in that coat.

The Doctor gets a bite.

The Doctor: That’s a whopper.
Sue: If Nicol wasn’t here, I would have said something rude.
Nicol: Mother!
Sue: This is a much better look for Nicola.
Nicol: That’s Nicola Bryant?
Sue: Yes.
The Two DoctorsNicol: The Nicola Bryant?
Sue: Yes.
Nicol: That’s Nev Fountain’s girlfriend?
Sue: Yes.
Nicol: Wow.
Sue: I know.
Nicol: Is she really American?
Sue: What do you think?
Nicol: No comment. I might bump into her in a pub.

The Doctor catches a tiny fish and he throws it back.

Nicol: It’s too late. You’ve killed it now.
Me: Please, don’t say that, Nicol. Your mum keeps having flashbacks.
Sue: He should have eaten it. I’ve seen them eat smaller fish on Survivor. What a waste.

Back on the space station, the Second Doctor is giving Dastari a hard time about time.

The Two DoctorsSue: Since when did Patrick Troughton work for the Time Lords? I don’t remember him doing that. Wasn’t he running away from them?
Me: I’ll explain later.
Nicol: Just tell her now. She won’t stop going about it if you don’t tell her.

I pause the DVD and I do my best to explain season 6B to her while Nicol checks her Facebook profile. I can’t be bothered to go through it again here, so if you are unfamiliar with the concept, please read this.

Sue: I wish I hadn’t asked now. So which fan with too much time on his hands came up with that lousy idea?
Me: Robert Holmes.
Sue: Oh. Well, in that case, I suppose it makes sense. It would explain his grey hair, I suppose. It still doesn’t feel right, though.
Nicol: When can we watch Homeland?
Sue: Will I have to watch this 6B whatsit?
Me: No. Well, apart from this story, of course.
Sue: That’s alright, then. You had me worried for a second. As much as I like Patrick Troughton, I don’t want to start going backwards.

The Second Doctor is very upset with Dastari.

Sue: This is what I miss. Passion. Tom Baker had it, but no one does it quite like Troughton.

The Doctor chastises Jamie for possessing a mongrel accent.

Nicol: Blimey. What would he say about our accents?
Sue: Don’t worry, Nic, they took the piss out the of North East in the last one.

The Two DoctorsThe Sontarans board the space station. The Second Doctor is held at gunpoint.

Sue: Abracadabra!

Shockeye can’t wait to eat a human.

Shockeye: The meat looks so white and roundsomely layered on the bone, a sure sign of a tasty animal.
Nicol: I bet he has a buttery biscuit base too.

Meanwhile, the Sixth Doctor is recovering from a fainting fit. For a few moments, it felt to him like he was being put to death.

Sue: Right. So all the other Doctors must have experienced the exact same thing, yes? I hope it didn’t happen to them in the middle of an adventure. That would have been awkward. At least this one was just larking about.

Peri suggests that the Doctor sees a Doctor and he agrees, but when they arrive on space station Chimera to consult with Dastari (“What are the chances?”), they find the place deserted.

Nicol: Is it just me or have the production values gone since last time? It doesn’t look as cheap.
Sue: It does look good, doesn’t it? The lighting is very atmospheric.
Me: It’s directed by Peter Moffat. You hate Peter Moffat.
Sue: This is alright. Maybe he’s making an extra-special effort this week?

The Two DoctorsThe Doctor detects the stench of death; this doesn’t exactly put Peri’s mind at rest.

Nicol: He doesn’t appear to care for his companion at all.
Sue: I know what you mean. He’s horrible to her sometimes. She keeps going back to him like an abused girlfriend.
Nicol: He hardly looks at her. There’s no connection between them.
Sue: I know. It’s very sad.

The odd couple are stopped in their tracks by an automated computer system. The computer turns up the heat.

Sue: If we’re really lucky, Nicol, Colin will take his coat off.
Nicol: Just so long as he keeps his shirt on.
Sue: Peri can’t strip off. She’s got nowhere to go.
Nicol: Did you dress like her in the eighties?
Sue: Oh yes, Peri is quite fashionable in this one. I bet the dads were pleased to see her back in shorts again.

And then, just like that, we’re in Spain.

Sue: They haven’t really gone to Spain, have they? Oh, they have! Is this another one of JNT’s jollies?

Shockeye can’t wait to eat some human meat.

Shockeye: Don’t use the gas injector, madam. They give the flesh an acrid taste. I’ll slaughter it myself.
Nicol: He reminds me of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. “I ate a bay-bay!”

The Sixth Doctor and Peri find a corpse in the space station’s galley.

The Doctor: We haven’t got time to bother about dead Androgums, Peri.
Nicol: Does he ever show any compassion? Why does Peri travel with him?
Sue: I don’t know. It’s a bit like marrying for money, I suppose. She gets to see the universe but she has to put up with him at the same time.

The Doctor and Peri enter the space station’s infrastructure.

The Two DoctorsNicol: It’s a level from The Crystal Maze.
Me: Oh, for ****’s sake, Nicol.

The Doctor decides to lecture Peri.

The Doctor: When you ask a question, you should listen to the answer, my girl, otherwise you will gain absolutely no benefit from being in my company.
Nicol: He’s horrible! I don’t like him at all.
Sue: He’s got no hearts.

They hear a strange growling sound.

Sue: That’s you every morning, Neil.

The Doctor attempts to disarm the computer’s defence system.

Nicol: If he gets this right, he wins a crystal.

The Doctor: I can’t remember what blue stands for.
Sue: Neutral, you fool! I thought the Doctor was supposed to be a genius?

Meanwhile, in sunny Spain, a Sontaran is taking in the view.

The Two DoctorsSue: It’s not right seeing a Sontaran sunning himself on a Veranda in Spain. He’ll burn his head.

The Sontarans are working with Chessene and Shockeye.

Sue: I have to say, these Sontarans look a bit cheap to me. They don’t look right. They look plasticky.

In the Andalucian countryside, a British lepidopterist named Oscar Botcherby and his Spanish girlfriend, Anita, are hunting for moths.

Sue: See, Nicol. Marrying for money.

Back on the space station, the computer overpowers the Doctor with some gas and the Time Lord falls onto some cables.

Sue: That wasn’t a great cliffhanger. It wasn’t even a good Colinhanger.

The credits roll.

Sue: That was alright. The script is very good – but of course it is, it’s Robert Holmes – and I like the location. What do you think, Nicol? …. Nicol?
Me: She’s asleep. Still, look on the bright side, at least we don’t have to watch Homeland.

Part Two

Nicol didn’t join us for Part Two. Funny that.

The Doctor recovers from his gassing in Part One.

Peri: How did you breath?
The Doctor: With difficulty. I’ll explain one day.
Sue: He’s as bad as you.

The Two DoctorsThe Doctor and Peri find Jamie McCrimmon living in the station’s infrastructure.

Sue: Why was Jamie growling like a wolf? Has he got a bad chest infection?

The Doctor tries to work out the logic behind the Second Doctor dying and him living on.

Peri: I don’t understand any of this.
Sue: Neither do I, love. Neither do I.

The Doctor hypnotises Jamie and the poor lad describes an assault by the Sontarans.

Jamie: They had a sort of armour. Heavy with no necks. And their hands were just two great fingers.
Sue: And they look like potatoes. You can’t leave that out.
Me: They probably had their helmets on.
Sue: You always have to spoil everything.

After removing some acupuncture needles from Jamie’s neck (“I bet that really hurt.”), the Doctor leaves Jamie to recover from his ordeal in a duct.

Sue: He doesn’t care about any of his companions, does he? Even the old ones.

The Two DoctorsMeanwhile, in Spain, Oscar and Anita mistakenly believe that they have seen a plane crash. Oscar doesn’t want to get involved in the search for any survivors.

Oscar: I’m not a well man.
Sue: (as Anita) I know. That is why I’m going out with you. I am waiting for you to have a massive heart attack.

Peri suggest that somebody has framed the Time Lords.

The Doctor: (mocking Peri) Set them up!
Sue: She still isn’t French, you know.

The Doctor uses the station’s computer to search for information.

Sue: I like the touch screen. Very swish. They need to work on the shape of its screen, though. It’s a bit wonky.

Peri admires herself in a mirror.

Peri: I look a mess.
Sue: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember what you were wearing last week.

The Two DoctorsPeri leaves the Doctor to contemplate the end of the universe when he is suddenly confronted by the image of his companion in great pain. The Doctor watches in horror as Peri’s image is replaced by Dastari’s, and then the Second Doctor, and then, finally, his own.

Sue: Are they all trapped in a test tube of time?

It’s just a projection and the real Peri gets to watch herself being tortured.

Peri: Doctor, it’s horrible. Stop it!
Sue: Your top isn’t that bad, honestly.

Luckily for them, the Sontarans forgot to turn off their animator when they left the station.

Sue tutted so loudly you probably heard her.

Sue: ****ing idiots.

The Doctor puts himself in a trance so he can contact his earlier self.

Jamie: I think your Doctor’s worse than mine.
Sue: All the Doctor are worse than yours, Jamie. You just have to get on with it.

The Second Doctor regains consciousness in the hacienda’s cellar.

Second Doctor: Jamie?
Sue: See, the first thing he thinks of his of his companion. That’s because he’s a good Doctor.

A Sontaran and Shockeye transport some heavy boxes into the cellar.

Sue: I like the Sontarans’ theme music. You can hum along to it. The music is very good, actually. I like a bit of Spanish guitar.

The Two DoctorsShockeye complains about the amount of bone and gristle on the old lady who used to live in the hacienda.

Sue: I love this character. What’s he called again?
Me: Shockeye.
Sue: Is that supposed to be like Och Aye? He looks Scottish with those ginger eyebrows of his. And he’s wearing a kilt, isn’t he?

Shockeye munches on a rat.

Sue: That was disgusting but I can’t take my eyes off him.

The Sixth Doctor wakes from his trance with bells ringing in his head.

The Doctor: Boing! The largest of the 25 bells in the cathedral at Seville. Most distinctive.
Sue: Come to think of it, Sherlock Holmes isn’t very likeable, either.

As if to prove this point, the Doctor is incredibly rude to Peri once again.

The Doctor: Oh, do try and use your brain, my girl. Small though it is the human brain can be quite effective when used properly.
Sue: Just speak to her as a friend. Just once. Please.

Stike, Group Marshal Stike of the Ninth Sontaran attack group, makes his big entrance.

Sue: He is too tall to be proper Sontaran. They don’t look right to me. This one has a lopsided face. They look like the sort of thing a fan might make.

The Two DoctorsThe Sixth Doctor’s TARDIS materialises in Spain.

Sue: Yes! He’s taken his coat off! Having said that, his waistcoat is just as bad. It’s too loud. God help us if he goes to Hawaii.

Oscar and Anita approach the TARDIS to report a plane crash. The Doctor, pretending to be a policeman, asks Oscar to lead him to the hacienda.

Oscar: We Botcherbies have never shirked public service. My dear departed father was an air raid warden in Shepton Mallet throughout the war. He slept in a steel helmet for five years.
Sue: I love Robert Holmes. I love little touches like that. You don’t get enough of them in the other stories.

The Second Doctor discovers to his horror that Dastari is the bad guy.

Sue: Yeah, and I bet he killed the radio star as well.
Dastari: I confess I was sad that the Time Lords chose to send you as their emissary, because I’ve always had a certain regard for you, Doctor.
Sue: He was hoping for Jon Pertwee. He can’t stand that one.

The Two DoctorsThe Second Doctor admonishes his old friend.

Sue: I love him. Why can’t he come back for good?

Stike slaps the Second Doctor across the face.

Sue: I’ve gone right off the Sontarans now.

Meanwhile, Shockeye is upstairs, reading a cook book.

Shockeye: There cannot be a creature on the planet that humans do not kill and eat. Many beasts are bred especially for table. They are force-fed to improve the flesh, and penned in small, confined quarters to fatten more rapidly.
Sue: What kind of recipe book goes into that kind of detail? Is he reading Rosemary Shrager’s ‘Torturing Animals to Death in 5 Easy Steps’ or something? That’s mad.

Peri arrives at the hacienda. She knocks on the door.

Sue: Do you know what this door needs?
Me: A huge pair of knockers?
Sue: Typical bloke. (pause) Actually, I was going to say the exact same thing, you bastard.

Shockeye can’t believe his luck when he spies Peri on his doorstep.

Sue: Look at the dirty perv. There’s a queue, mate.

The Two DoctorsDastari tries to isolate the symbiotic nuclei within the Second Doctor’s cell structure.

Sue: For a machine that’s supposed to be so high-tech, you’d think it’d be quieter.

The Sixth Doctor thanks Anita for her time and she kisses him on the cheek in return. She doesn’t give Jamie the same treatment.

Sue: She’s into DILFs. Having said that, Jamie’s no spring chicken himself.

The Sixth Doctor and Jamie enter the old ice house.

Sue: The direction isn’t that bad. The lighting is okay. It could do with more close-ups, but this is definitely Peter Moffat’s best stab at it so far.

Shockeye doesn’t want to eat a Sontaran.

Shockeye: They always seem so tough and tasteless.
Sue: You never know, they might taste of potato. Try mashing its head in.

The Sixth Doctor discovers a Kartz-Reimer time module in the hacienda’s cellar.

Sue: How on Earth is a Sontaran supposed to fit inside that thing? Jimmy Krankie would struggle to get into that. They haven’t thought it through.

Peri leaves the hacienda before she can become Dish of the Day on Shockeye’s menu. But Shockeye won’t take no for an answer and he chases her into the countryside.

The Two DoctorsSue: They should play a spanish arrangement of the Benny Hill theme over this.

Peri trips over and the episode concludes with an Androgum leaning over her with hunger in its eyes.

Sue: Do you think he’s a leg or a breast man?

The credits roll.

Sue: I’m really enjoying this. I’m actually looking forward to the next one.

Part Three

The Two DoctorsPeri is manhandled by Shockeye.

Sue: Sexual abuse before the watershed. Dear, oh dear.

Shockeye wishes Peri was a boy.

Sue: The mind boggles. I don’t want to know.

Stike threatens to kill Jamie if the Sixth Doctor doesn’t prime his time cabinet for him.

Sue: The thing is, this Doctor would let a companion die for the greater good and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelid. And besides, it’s only Jamie.

Jamie sticks his dirk into the Sontaran’s leg. Stike goes down hard.

Sue: Right, first of all, what kind of armour is he wearing if a tiny knife like that can get through it? And secondly, why are these Sontarans so stupid? Are they supposed to be the comic relief?

Shockeye prepares to butcher Peri but he is interrupted by Chessene.

Sue: And the Doctor is nowhere to be seen. His companion would be dead now if it wasn’t for her. He’s not very good, is he?

Stike heads outside to plot a double-cross.

Sue: This place could do with a gardener. They’ve really let the place go.

Chessene has persuaded Dastari to turn the Second Doctor into an Androgum, using Shockeye’s genes as a template. Shockeye doesn’t take the news well.

Sue: Either those straps are supposed to be made of toffee, and their technology is entirely food-based, or he’s really, really strong.

The Two DoctorsThe Second Doctor is an Androgum and all he can think about is food.

Sue: Troughton is fabulous in this. It’s a brilliant performance.

Stike is betrayed by Chessene. She demonstrates this by dropping a grenade on his head.

Sue: It’s only a Catherine Wheel, you wimp. Why are Sontarans afraid of fireworks?

Chessene is a genius.

Sue: A genius with no peripheral vision. How did she not see three heads pop behind that wall at the same time?

Shockeye and an Androgumised Doctor head into town for a quick bite.

Sue: This is a spin-off I’d like to see. They could travel Europe sampling delicacies together. It’s got BBC2 written all over it.

Stike survived Chessene’s gas attack.

Sue: Has he been hiding in the lettuce?

The Second Doctor and Shockeye arrive in Seville.

Sue: Finally! I thought we’d never get to see the place. What took them so long?

The Sixth Doctor can feel the effects of the Androgum inheritance catching up with him.

Sue: Right, so are all the other Doctors having a bad case of the munchies right now?

The Two DoctorsAn injured Stike staggers into the Kartz-Reimer machine.

Sue: He’s basically just put himself in a microwave. What an idiot. I almost feel sorry for him.

The Second Doctor fancies an hors d’oeuvre.

The Second Doctor: Pate de foie gras de Strasbourg en croute, for instance, or a serving of Belon oysters. Even a light salad with artichoke hearts and country ham will suffice.
Sue: All this talking about food is making me hungry.
Me: Do you fancy a pasty?
Sue: Yeah. That would be lovely.

Seville appears to be deserted.

Sue: They must have shot this at dawn on a Sunday. The place is empty.

The Second Doctor tells Shockeye that he knows a really good place just around the corner.

Sue: It won’t be open yet. It’s 6am.

Dastari is searching the city for the Doctor when he’s distracted by a mad woman on a balcony.

The Two DoctorsSue: ‘O Buggles, Buggles, wherefore art thou Buggles?
Me: She’s got the horn for Trevor Horn.

Stike staggers into his own ship.

Sue: JUST DIE ALREADY!

The ship explodes.

Sue: They’ll have to get the builders in now. And get a gardener while you’re at it. The grounds are an overgrown mess.

The Second Doctor and Shockeye arrive at the restaurant run by Oscar and Anita.

Sue: What are the chances of that?

Shockeye wants to know if they serve humans. In sauce and stuff.

Oscar: I’m afraid the nouvelle cuisine has not yet penetrated this establishment.
Sue: That is hilarious. I remember when nouvelle cuisine was really big in the eighties. Everybody took the piss out of it.
Me: Nice pasty?
Sue: Lovely, thanks.

The Sixth Doctor takes his fondness for cats too far.

Sue: If he so much as picks up a cat, there’ll be trouble. Besides, there was no meat on the poor thing anyway.

The Two DoctorsOscar presents his guests with the bill. Shockeye offers to pay with a twenty narg note.

Sue: How many zonks do you get to the narg?

The only tip Oscar gets that night is from the end of a knife.

Sue: No, he didn’t just… He can’t have… Did he? Oh my God, he has. That was shocking. I didn’t think that would happen in a million years. We were watching a comedy a minute ago!

Oscar doesn’t rush his death scene.

Sue: That managed to be shocking and ridiculous at the same time. What the hell just happened?

Oscar’s girlfriend is left to pick up the pieces.

Sue: Don’t worry, love. You’re quids in now. Or pesetas. Whatever.

Shockeye returns to the hacienda and he finds what’s left of Stike’s leg marinating in lettuce jus.

Sue: They are just taking the piss out of the Sontarans now. This could have been a tight two-parter if it wasn’t for them. Idiots.

Peri is placed into the Kartz-Reimer machine.

The Two DoctorsSue: (Singing) Mr and Mrs, be nice to each other.

Shockeye is still hungry. He wants to eat a Jack but a Jamie will have to do.

Sue: Why is he obsessed with eating men?
Me: Maybe he likes sweetmeat.

The Doctors are manacled together in the cellar. Dastari leaves the keys on a nearby table.

Sue: Stupid Buggles.

Jamie is screaming upstairs.

Sue: I think cock ballotine is on the menu tonight.

The Sixth Doctor is cut by Shockeye. The Doctor makes a run for it (“He’s left Jamie behind to die”) and Chessene laps up his trail of blood. Dastari looks away in disgust.

Sue: That was an excellent scene. There are some interesting ideas in this, even if it is a bit of a mess.

The Androgum pursues the wounded Time Lord into the countryside. The Doctor discovers Oscar’s moth hunting equipment.

Sue: Is Oscar the patron saint of coincidences or something?

The Two DoctorsWhen the Doctor attacks Shockeye, Sue doesn’t bat an eyelid.

Me: You do realise that the Doctor is killing him, don’t you?
Sue: WHAT? You have got to be kidding me.

I’m not, and the Doctor isn’t that bothered about it, either.

The Doctor: Your just desserts.
Sue: I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m conflicted. It’s very dark.

The Doctor returns to the hacienda. He tells his companions not to worry about Shockeye.

The Doctor: He’s been, er, mothballed.
Sue: Two quips is pushing it, mate. You’ll be writing songs about it next.

The Two Doctors bid each other farewell.

The Two DoctorsThe Second Doctor: Do try and keep out of my way in future and in past, there’s a good fellow. The time continuum should be big enough for the both of us. Just.
Sue: Was that a dig at Colin’s weight?

The Sixth Doctor and Peri head for the exit.

Peri: After you.
The Doctor: No, After you
Sue: He’s still a **** to her, even when he’s trying to be polite.

The Doctor decides to become a vegetarian and the credits roll.

Sue: Are they doing that to cover up the fact that he is putting on some weight? Was that the point of the exercise?

The Score

Sue: This is a tricky one to mark. There’s a lot wrong with it. The Sontarans were a complete waste of time. Spain was wasted, too. They could have shot it anywhere. I’m still not convinced that making the Doctor a horrible person to be around is very wise, either. But I loved having Patrick Troughton back and Shockeye was great fun; the script was very funny. It could have been shorter and the direction could have been a lot better, but I still enjoyed it.

7/10

Now then, now then, now then.

I decided not show Sue ‘A Fix with Sontarans’ at first. I thought I’d punished her enough. But when we finished the second episode, I just could help myself. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

A Fix with SontaransSue: Why are you making me watch this? This is wrong.
Me: I know.
Sue: What the **** is Tegan doing with Colin Baker?

When Gareth Jenkins turns up, she immediately wants to mother him.

Sue: Bless. Do you think wanted Daleks and Cybermen instead of Sontarans? He doesn’t look very happy about it. And he looks down the camera lens more than Tom Baker did.
Me: He’s looking for the exit.

The mini-episode concludes with the biggest “not for kids” moment on this blog so far.

Tegan: It’s monstrous!
The Doctor: It’s revolting!

It’s Jimmy ******.

Sue: Switch it off! I can’t watch this. I mean it, Neil. Switch it off!

When it’s finally over, Sue gives me that look.

Sue: That was horrible. Why did you make me watch that? Is Gareth okay?
Me: Yes, he’s fine.
Sue: It must be really difficult for him to talk about it. I feel sorry for him. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had to meet Jimmy ****** as well.

When we finished The Two Doctors, I decided to take a spin through some of the DVD extras on Disc 2 while Sue went off to put the tea on. I started to watch ‘Under the Lights’, a compilation of rushes taken from the story’s studio recording sessions, but I got bored with it and I decided to take a quick shower instead. However, when I came back a few minutes later, I found Sue completely engrossed in it.

The Two DoctorsMe: What the hell are you doing?
Sue: It’s good, this. I’m thinking of showing it to my TV studio students. It’s a good demonstration of how to make simple, safe drama in a multi-camera TV studio.
Me: Good luck with that.
Sue: Colin’s very good, you know. Some of the takes they didn’t use were a lot better than some of the ones they did.

Coming Soon

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