We watched the original broadcast version of The Five Doctors. Sadly, I couldn’t source an off-air copy with the Children in Need ticker running across the bottom of the screen. I hope this doesn’t invalidate the science at the heart of this experiment.

The Five DoctorsNicol: I’m not watching any William Hartnell with you. You can forget it.
Me: Be patient, Nicol.
Sue: Don’t worry, Nic. Neil’s promised me that ...

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Part One

Warriors' GateSue: Steve Gallagher. Why does that name ring a bell?
Me: You met him about 15 years ago. He came to our university to talk about scriptwriting. I think he was friends with Bryan and Mary Talbot.
Sue: Did you ask him a question about Doctor Who?
Me: No. I was too embarrassed.
Sue: That’s a shame. Oh well, I’m not worried about upsetting him. It’s not as ...

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Part One

State of DecayThe story begins with a castle overlooking a village.

Sue: Is this one going to be a period drama? We haven’t had one of those for ages.

Inside the castle’s Tower, Sue is immediately drawn to Aukon.

Sue: It’s Fish from Marillion.
Me: Are you insane?
Sue: If Fish had a beard and a wig he would be the spitting double of him. It’s uncanny – it’s the eyeliner ...

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Part One

Full CircleThe Doctor and Romana are en route to Gallifrey.

Sue: Two K9s this week – how exciting is that? I bet they’ll conduct an extensive analysis of each other’s arses as soon as they meet.

Romana doesn’t want to go home.

Sue: Poor Romana. As soon as she gets back to Gallifrey, she should nick a TARDIS and bugger off again. I like her outfit this week. Very Romany, which is ...

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Part One

MeglosThe TARDIS is on its way to the planet Tigella. The Doctor has been there before.

Sue: It must have been uneventful or I’m sure I’d have been forced to sit through it.

On Tigella, three humanoids with blonde hair are trying to break into something.

Sue: Is it the Thals? Are the Daleks in this one? Have they finally learnt that it’s better if they don’t put their name in the title ...

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Part One

The Leisure HiveSue: Ooh, new title sequence.

She’s very quick, my wife.

Sue: The theme music is very techno.

Sue thinks any up-tempo electronic music is ‘techno’. She can’t help it.

Sue: Why is Tom Baker snarling? Is he in pain?

I don’t have an answer for that.

Sue: Is somebody torturing him? Hmmm… I’m not sure about these new titles. It’s very eighties, isn’t it? It doesn’t get any more eighties than chrome ...

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Part One

Me: Here, grab this firmly and pull, love.

Don’t worry, it’s not what you think.

Sue: A Christmas cracker? What’s this for?
Me: It’s Christmas 1979!

We pull the cracker. It doesn’t go bang.

Sue: I’m not putting the hat on.

The Horns of NimonThe story begins with a large spaceship ploughing its way through the cosmos. Hang on… didn’t I start the last one like this?

Sue: Doctor Who always begins with ...

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Part One

Nightmare of EdenSue: Bob Baker. I know that name.
Me: He’s one of the Bristol Boys.
Sue: Oh. Did they have a big falling out?

We open on the Empress, a large space liner which is ploughing its way through the cosmos. And then the ship suddenly shimmers and disappears.

Sue: Either the ship has gone into warp drive or they really screwed up the chroma.

We cut to the bridge ...

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Warning: this commentary contains strong language and adult themes. As Sue would say, this definitely isn’t for the kids…

Adventures with the Wife in Space – The Creature from the Pit from Tachyon TV on Vimeo.

And before you start, yes, it’s probably very unfair for Sue to mark this out of ten. We rambled all the way through it. I have therefore decided that we definitely won’t be doing a commentary ...

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