The Five Doctors

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The Five Doctors
Daleks, Yeti, Cybermen… BINGO!

We watched the original broadcast version of The Five Doctors. Sadly, I couldn’t source an off-air copy with the Children in Need ticker running across the bottom of the screen. I hope this doesn’t invalidate the science at the heart of this experiment.

The Five DoctorsNicol: I’m not watching any William Hartnell with you. You can forget it.

Me: Be patient, Nicol.

Sue: Don’t worry, Nic. Neil’s promised me ...

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Warriors’ Gate

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Warriors’ Gate
Nope. We haven’t got a ****ing clue.

Part One

Warriors' GateSue: Steve Gallagher – why does that name ring a bell?

Me: You met him about 15 years ago. He came to our university to talk about scriptwriting. I think he was friends with Bryan and Mary Talbot.

Sue: Did you ask him a question about Doctor Who?

Me: No. I was too embarrassed.

Sue: That’s a shame. Oh well, I’m not worried about upsetting him. ...

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98

State of Decay

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State of Decay
Sue has promised not to use the word ‘penis’ on local radio again. Can she pull it off? Plus: vampires.

Part One

State of DecayThe story begins with a castle overlooking a village…

Sue: Is this one going to be a period drama? We haven’t had one of those for ages.

Inside the castle’s Tower, Sue is immediately drawn to Aukon.

Sue: It’s Fish from Marillion.

Me: Are you insane?

Sue: If Fish had a beard ...

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81

Full Circle

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Full Circle
Do do do do do dooooo doodle oo…

Part One

Full CircleThe Doctor and Romana are en route to Gallifrey…

Sue: Two K9s this week – how exciting is that? I bet they’ll conduct an extensive analysis of each other’s arses as soon as they meet.

Romana doesn’t want to go home.

Sue: Poor Romana. As soon as she gets back to Gallifrey, she should nick a TARDIS and bugger off again. I like her ...

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129

Meglos

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Meglos
We almost made it to the end without making a prick joke…

Part One

MeglosThe TARDIS is on its way to the planet Tigella. The Doctor has been there before.

Sue: It must have been uneventful or I’m sure I’d have been forced to sit through it.

On Tigella, three humanoids with blonde hair are trying to break into something.

Sue: Is it the Thals? Are the Daleks in this one? Have they finally learnt that ...

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85

The Leisure Hive

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The Leisure Hive
Shada was never broadcast. Get over it. Sue did.

Part One

The Leisure HiveSue: Ooh, new title sequence.

She’s very quick, my wife.

Sue: The theme music is very techno.

Sue thinks any up-tempo electronic music is ‘techno’. She can’t help it.

Sue: Why is Tom Baker snarling? Is he in pain?

I don’t have an answer for that.

Sue: Is somebody torturing him? Hmmm… I’m not sure about these new titles. It’s very eighties, isn’t it? ...

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111

The Horns of Nimon

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The Horns of Nimon
We’re up a gum tree without a paddle…

Part One

Me: Here, grab this firmly and pull, love.

Don’t worry, it’s not what you think.

Sue: A Christmas cracker? What’s this for?

Me: It’s Christmas 1979!

We pull the cracker. It doesn’t go bang.

Sue: I’m not putting the hat on.

The Horns of NimonThe story begins with a large spaceship ploughing its way through the cosmos. Hang on… didn’t I start the last one like ...

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76

Nightmare of Eden

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Nightmare of Eden
It’s time for our tryst with Tryst…

Part One

Nightmare of EdenSue: Bob Baker. I know that name.

Me: He’s one of the Bristol Boys.

Sue: Oh. Did they have a big falling out?

We open on the Empress, a large space liner which is ploughing its way through the cosmos. And then the ship suddenly shimmers and disappears.

Sue: Either the ship has gone into warp drive or they really screwed up the chroma.

We ...

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102

The Creature from the Pit

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The Creature from the Pit
We call it the pits…

Warning: this commentary contains strong language and adult themes. As Sue would say, this definitely isn’t for the kids…

Adventures with the Wife in Space – The Creature from the Pit from Tachyon TV on Vimeo.

And before you start, yes, it’s probably very unfair for Sue to mark this out of ten. We rambled all the way through it. I have therefore decided that we ...

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66

City of Death

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City of Death
Yum yum…

Nicol joined us for this one. And we watched all four episodes in one go. Allons-y!

Part One

City of DeathNicol: Who the hell is David Agnew?

Sue: Oh, no. That name rings a bell. And not in a good way.

Me: David Agnew doesn’t exist. It’s a pseudonym. Practically every line of the script is written by Douglas Adams, although some of the ideas originate from David Fisher. He wrote

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